Hacked Satellites

What is happening to our satellites?

The website hackedsatellites.com has been established to publicise a huge and very real concern about satellite hacking. An increasing number of people are worried about an unidentified private person who has hacked several satellites in order to send out signals all over the world.

How are the satellites hacked?

The person who has hacked these satellites uses private equipment to reach the satellites directly and the companies that are technically responsible for the satellites do not observe that hacking has taken place because the hackers use a variety of cloaking methods.

What is the satellite Feline Transmission Protocol?

In the 1970’s people started to report that their cats exhibited strange behaviours, such as low purring sounds, licking themselves, and sleeping a lot. Scientists discovered that this was because they are susceptible to certain frequencies that are transmitted by satellites. In 1977 governments around the world agreed the Feline Transmission Protocol (“FTP”). This was essentially a restricted range of satellite transmission frequencies that were believed to be safe for cats.

What does the hacker do to the satellites?

The hacker tampers with some satellites so that they send out signals that contravene the Feline Transmission Protocol. Scientists call these signals Feline Unsafe Coefficient Transmission Signals (“FUCTS”).

What does this mean for our cats?

These hacked satellite signals are able to enter cat brains and cause them to exhibit strange behaviours that have been absent from the cat population since the late nineteen seventies. It’s a kind of retro thing.

James the cat wearing a cranial protection device

Scientists call this behaviour Weird Transbehavioral Felinistics (“WTF”).

What should you do to protect your cat from hacked satellites?

If you observe any Weird Transbehavioral Felinistics in your cat you should provide it with an additional layer of cranial protection.

James the cat thoroughly cheesed off

These cranial protection devices are made from metallic foil such as aluminium, and you should be able to construct them yourself.

Remember to change them every three days because their ability to absorb Feline Unsafe Coefficient Transmission Signals is limited and degrades after this time, leaving your cat at risk.

James the cat from above

Here are some photos of feline cranial protection devices being worn by a typical cat.

If you would like to receive instructions explaining in detail how to construct a cranial protection device for your cat please drop me an email.

If you have a photo of your cat wearing a cranial protection device that you think would be helpful for other cat owners to see, please email it to me and I will publish it here.